Thursday, November 29, 2007

Thirteen Things I want from Santa

1. New carpet and paint for my house-- This is on our to-do list, but Michael and I both are dreading it. He's dreading it more than me. Blind people are not often asked to paint, so the bulk of that job will fall to Michael. As for the new carpet, I know that somehow, we will get screwed on this and end up paying too much money for something we'll end up not being very happy with. How I wish Santa would come, and we would wake up on Christmas morning to find beautiful new flooring and freshly painted walls, done in the perfect color and with no fumes so I wouldn't have to spend a few nights at my parents house.
2. A publishing contract-- If Santa could get me a lucrative publishing contract for my manuscript, then I wouldn't have to write that damned query letter and synopsis. More to the point, I could stop feeling guilty about procrastinating so vigorously on the query letter and synopsis.
3. A fully decorated nursery-- That way, I wouldn't have to research safe, durable cribs, or shop for any of the thousands of things that babies require, but that I have absolutely no clue about. Santa, after all, would know which cribs had been recalled by the Consumer Products Safety Commission. Santa would never accidentally buy a crib that was covered in lead paint.
4. A backbone for my boss-- I want to share Santa's bounty with others. Yeah, that's it.
5. The ability to knit faster-- There is so much great yarn in the world, and I want it all, but it won't do me any good if I don't learn to knit faster.
6. An intelligent President in 2008
7. An end to my nausea.
8. Whole grain pasta that actually tastes good.
9. An end to reality television
10. The ability to bake cakes-- I can bake cookies and candy that turn out perfect, but I have burned every cake I have ever attempted.
11. A way to light a candle without burning myself.
12. The time to make Christmas stockings for my family.
13. Another wonderful series like Harry Potter

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

James Carville You Are Not

As usual, Michael and I were listening to NPR's Morning Edition on the way to work. They were doing a story about Bill Clinton campaigning for Hillary, acting like it was some big deal. Duh! The big deal would be if he wasn't campaigning for her. Spouses always campaign for their candidate spouses. This is not news. But I get it-- anything that features Bill Clinton in a clip gets attention. I don't blame you. Hell, as far as I'm concerned you can devote half the show to Bill Clinton. Fine by me. And fine by a lot of people I suspect. Bill Clinton's approval ratings have skyrocketed since he left office, which is why I found the next part of the NPR segment puzzling if not outright ridiculous. The host was getting comments from Donna Brazile, head of Al Gore's 2000 Presidential campaign, on the Hillary Clinton campaign. She said that (I'm paraphrasing) there is a downside to having Bill Clinton campaigning for Hillary because it makes people think of the past, and people vote based on the future, not the past.
I have long believe that Donna Brazile has the political instincts of toast, and this morning she confirmed my suspicion. People don't vote based on the past? Where have you been? At least half of the time, people are voting against something, rather than for it. That's called voting based on the past. It is an ages-old ploy of politicians to get people thinking about a former, better, simpler time-- the implication being that the politician in question will bring back those former, better, simpler times. That's called voting based on the past. I'm not advocating it, just pointing out that it happens and the strategy is effective. Donna Brazile, I encourage you to watch the last fifteen minutes of The American President. Listen carefully to Michael Douglas's speech. I believe this might help you to more clearly understand why people vote based on the past. Another suggestion that I have for you is to go rub up against James Carville, or maybe just ride in an elevator with him and hope breathing the same air as him might help you improve your game. If, as it seems, you are going to continue to be considered a strategist for the Democratic Party, you really do need to work on those instincts. In 2000, you advised Al Gore to distance himself from Bill Clinton. That was a fatal mistake in that campaign, and now it appears you are saying that Hillary should follow the same strategy that I believe cost your man the Presidency. Will you never learn?
Here's the link to the American President speech. Enjoy.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Best Buy? Yeah right.

On Saturday, Michael and I went to Best Buy to purchase a big screen TV. We have been wanting a new TV for a while, and Michael saw that this one, a Panasonic 42-inch plasma, was on sale for $899. Figuring that we aren't likely to have a lot of spare money in the future, we decided to go ahead and buy it. This is Michael's Christmas gift, birthday gift, and anniversary gift all in one. We spent all day Sunday rearranging furniture to accommodate the new TV, which is fine since we had been talking about rearranging furniture for a while. Trust me when I tell you that for a blind person, this rearranging furniture business is a big deal. It will leave me bruised for the next week until I finally remember that the coffee table is in a different place. So with furniture rearranged and living room tidied up, we set about hooking up the TV.
We had purchased a wall mounting kit to hang the TV on the wall. Shortly after opening said wall mounting kit, Michael read-- very near the top of the instructions-- that if this kit doesn't work, it isn't necessary to return it to the store where it was purchased, simply call the company and they will send an adaptor for $9.99. Oh hell no! Oh hell fucking no! We spent $79 on this particular wall mount, and I thought that was very near outrageous. Had I wanted to spend more money on a wall mount, I would have done so, but I did not wish to spend more money and I continue not to wish to spend more money. Cynic that I am, I suspect this is a scam this particular company is running to get people to pay more money for a thing they think they have to have. Um, no. Our cable company has us by the balls. Our insurance company has us by the balls. AT&T has us by the balls. But you, Television Wall Mount Kit Company, can get your hands off my balls!
Naturally, this is going to necessitate a trip to Best Buy to return the wall mount kit-- the universal wall mount kit that Best Buy assured us would work with our TV, but that does not. If you've ever tried to return anything to Best Buy, you're shaking your head and bemoaning the futility of the attempt, but rest assured, I am an expert in making a scene. Raising nine kinds of hell is an inherent talent of mine. I have been known to throw hissy fits of epic proportions. This used to embarrass Michael, but now he is resigned to it and has even learned to appreciate it.
So Best Buy, consider yourself warned. My capacity for volume and endurance is unparalleled.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Gobble Gobble

I like a lot of traditional Thanksgiving foods. I realized from reading Molly's and Trina's blogs that I might be in the minority on that one. I'm making a turkey. I am a vegetarian, but since I'm preggers, I've been relaxing on that lately. At this point, I'll eat anything that doesn't make me sick. Also, my mother cannot cook a turkey. Well, bless her heart, there is a lot that my mother can't cook, but turkey ranks at the top of the list. I cook my turkey with cinnamon, ginger, apples, oranges, and butter. Knock on wood-- it usually turns out moist and flavorful. One of the few things Mom can make is dressing, so she'll be bringing that along with her hot potato salad. Michael cannot abide a Thanksgiving without mashed potatoes, so he'll be making those. We will also be contributing glazed carrots and a broccoli casserole. The broccoli casserole, if not a uniquely Southern thing is a typical Southern thing. Every casserole constructed in the South contains a can of cream of mushroom soup, a lot of butter and cheese, and Ritz crackers. It might even be a law. Had I not been raised on such fare, I might turn my nose up at it, but as it is, my family has designated me the official broccoli casserole fixer. For Christmas, Thanksgiving, picnics, whatever-- I'm expected to show up with a broccoli casserole. For dessert, Mom is bringing a banana pudding and I'm making a pumpkin cheesecake. Somehow, something chocolate will find its way onto the table. It always does. This is a very traditional meal, but Michael and I do need a little variety, so we're making sausage balls and hot artichoke and sundried tomato dip, and this will likely be our favorite part of the meal. Sausage balls, in case you don't know, are a construction of spicy pork sausage, sharp cheddar cheese, and Bisquik, rolled into acorn-sized balls. Molly thinks "sausage balls" sound like a porcine version of mountain oysters, so we're trying to think of an alternate name. Sausage poppers anybody? Southern pork circles?
Oh, and one more thing. Ginger has long been a home remedy for pregnancy sickness, and I find that it works better than anything, so I'll be munching on bits of candied ginger throughout the day.
On Black Friday, Michael and I will do nothing. We'll lie around watching TV and movies, and I'll knit on a pair of socks that have been languishing since last November. We do not shop on the weekend after Thanksgiving. It's our way of protesting our culture of consumerism. It's a small statement, but it's important to us. Inevitably, news reports on Monday will say how this year's after-Thanksgiving sales figures were lower than expected. They say that every year, and here's why: The people who make the projections are greedy bastards! A 100% profit just isn't enough for them. Cry me a river, assholes.
The true origins of Thanksgiving are lost, hidden, and/or twisted to suit multiple agendas. This is true of most holidays. For my part, I like Thanksgiving, which is perhaps strange coming from someone with a strong Native American heritage, but I am in favor of continuing and honoring traditions that bring families together, give us a day off work, and encourage individuals to be grateful for the things they have, if only for one day. Regardless of how or to whom you give thanks, or how you choose to observe or ignore Thanksgiving, I wish you health and abundance.

Monday, November 19, 2007

A Public Service Announcement

Calling all bloggers. If you have word verification enabled on your blog, I cannot comment. Yes, there is a link to listen and type, and yes, in theory that should work, but it doesn't. It's a matter of switching from navigation mode to typing mode, and apparently Blogger.com, A.K.A. Google, didn't consult the makers of any popular screenreaders before programming their "listen and type" word verification feature, because-- let me repeat-- it doesn't work! Blogger.com, if you're paying attention out there, you've got a problem, and it makes you look like an idiot. When people comment on my blog, I very much want to reciprocate by commenting on theirs. It's blog etiquette, right? So this word verification crap is making me appear unmannered and impolite, and I really don't like that. For those of you who have word verification enabled, why? Do you have so much spam traffic that it's necessary? Did you even know you had it enabled? Have you got a fear of blind commenters? So I'm asking you, if you don't need it, turn it off.
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.
I actually got some of my holiday shopping done this weekend. Trust me, this is not like me, but thanks to a serendipitous trip to Kohl's, where there happened to be a killer sale, I got lots of my list knocked out. It also helped that Michael's siblings decided not to exchange gifts. Woo Hoo! That's four people off my list with one phone call. And I got cheap gifts for some of the other people who fall into the "obligatory" category. Now, I can shop for the people I genuinely want to buy gifts for.
So I'm interested, who's on your obligatory list? Those people you'd really rather not have to spend time and money on? Don't worry, I won't tell.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Thursday Thirteen: Guilty Pleasures

I don't really have guilty pleasures, mainly because I think guilt is a fairly useless emotion, so I work hard to squash it down if it ever shows itself. When people talk about guilty pleasures, I think they are talking about their own indulgences or things that society as a whole or more likely their own peer group would not approve of. So keeping with that definition, here are my thirteen guilty pleasures.
1. Purses-- I have tons of them. Beaded, leather, hand knitted, felted, sequined, quilted, you name it, I have a purse made of it. My very first knitting project was a simple felted bag, and I've made three more since. Generally, I never carry the same purse for more than a month or so. I love to buy purses and switch them out. I am about purses the way TV show women are about shoes.
2. Romance novels-- Most women my age don't read romance novels and even look down on other women who do. Whatever. I like emotional stories and I like happy endings. I read widely, in almost all genres. I read fiction primarily, but I like some nonfiction as well. I don't get why people have no problem telling others that they watched a romantic comedy starring Meg Ryan, but won't go near a romance novel. Is it the covers? Most of the books I read, I get from the public Talking Book Library, so I am never exposed to the covers, but I guess I can understand how those might put a person off. I like good writing that tells a compelling story. I'll read that book regardless of its genre or cover.
3. Telling people off-- I must admit, I get a twisted pleasure from putting the smackdown on some asshole who really deserves it either because of his/her attitude, behavior, or general stupidity.
4. Bloghopping
5. Sappy Christmas movies-- I already mentioned here that It's A Wonderful Life and A Christmas Carol are my favorites. I also like 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, the cartoon with the mice, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
6. Classic country music-- It's awful, I know, but I love Patsy Cline, Hank Williams, Sr., George Jones, and Loretta Lynn. I think that since I'm from Kentucky, this is acceptable.
7. Yarn-- The only kind of yarn I like is expensive, relatively speaking. I don't buy from the giant crafts stores, I prefer smaller, locally owned yarn shops that sell quality yarn. I take it by turns to by novelty yarns, 100% wool, specialty blends, and sometimes just whatever strikes my fancy. I am something of a penny pincher by nature, but when it comes to yarn, I know no limits. Fortunately, most of my family gets me gift certificates to my local yarn store for my birthday and for Christmas. That's how I support my habit.
8. Kid's sugar cereals-- I know that I should be eating total or Special K or something equally flavorless and fiber filled, but I just can't stomach it. When it's my turn to pick out the cereal, we are coming home with Cocoa Puffs, Peanut Butter Captain Crunch, Fruity Pebbles, Lucky Charms, or Fruit Loops. It's immature, but I can't help myself. Well, I probably could, but I don't.
9. I have a housekeeper-- Society tells me I should feel guilty about this, even though I don't. Michael and I both work full time, and vacuuming isn't tops on the list of things we want to do in our free time. I love my housekeeper. She is perhaps my favorite person in the world.
10. Cheese fries-- I know, I know, but yum!
11. Napping on the couch-- There is always something I could be doing, but sometimes there is just nothing like a cozy nap. This is perhaps my only truly guilty pleasure. I'm an overachiever, and there's just always some task to be conquered. I sometimes really do feel guilty about lying around on the couch for an entire evening, especially if Michael cooked dinner all by himself. He says he doesn't mind it though-- one more reason I love him.
12. Just now, I am seriously craving a chili dog, and I don't even think I like chili dogs. If I do have a chili dog, you can bet I will feel guilty about it.
13. Blogging at work-- Obviously, this isn't stopping me.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

My Imaginary Family

I love my family. But my family is small, at least my immediate family is. It's me and Michael and the dog and my mom and her husband, and I love us, but about this time every year, I start wishing that I wasn't an only child and that my aunts and uncles did more than just bicker with each other and that I was part of one of those great big Hallmark commercial families. Probably, I only think I want a large family. I have what I term a low chaos threshold, and large families are inherently chaotic. So most likely, a large family would make me crazy. What I guess I'm saying is I want to have been raised in a large family so that it wouldn't make me crazy. I'd keep Michael and the dog and Mom and even her husband because he handles her better than anyone ever has-- ever! But it would be nice if there were more of us. Of course this time next year there will be more of us and I'll have all the chaos I can handle.
So I was thinking about what my perfect imaginary family would look like, and it's something like this:
I think Arthur and Molly Weasley are the perfect parents, so I'd pick them to be my mom and dad. I guess a benefit of that is that I'd get all seven Weasley children too, and Harry Potter to boot. Instant family.
I have a half sister and a stepsister, but I'm not really close to either of them, and I always thought having a sister would be great. I want Luna Lovegood as my sister. Luna is my hero. She is everything that I am not-- free spirited, not the slightest bit self-conscious, optimistic, dreamy, and unconditionally kind. I love tacky, gaudy jewelry, and if Luna was my sister, I could borrow her radish earrings. Other sisters I'd like are Bridget Jones, Zena Warrior Princess, Julia Butterfly Hill, and Paris Hilton-- everybody has one, right? And she would take the pressure off the rest of us. We'd look like angels by comparison. For brothers I think I'd like Emeril Lagasse, Bruce Springsteen, Indiana Jones, and Mark Twain. I think they'd all be interesting at the dinner table.
I already have tons of cousins who I don't see very much, and they are plenty entertaining without having to imagine anything. There's my cousin Scott who got drunk at a Memorial Day picnic and did the Hula Hoop, and my cousin Calvin, whose idea of a Christmas carol is a song about John Wayne Bobbitt's difficulties sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies theme song. Once the feasting is over, all of my family piles up in my Aunt Loretta's garage to drink beer and play poker. I haven't seen most of them in three years, but I will be there this year on Christmas Eve, and I'm looking forward to it. If only Luna Lovegood could somehow get there.

Monday, November 12, 2007

The Body and the Blood

In deference to my pregnancy, I have given up coffee in favor of Saltines. As soon as I got to work this morning, I opened up some crackers and a bottle of grape juice, and it occurred to me: if I was still a Baptist, this would be Communion. Since I'm not a Baptist any longer though, it's just grape juice and Saltines.
Unrelatedly, quite possibly some or all of this post is in all caps. My apologies, and be assured I am not screaming at you. One of the perils of being blind is that you never can be sure until it's too late that you've hit that pesky all caps key. Another peril of being blind is that it takes both hands to shave your legs. Having years of experience at this blind, two-handed shaving thing, I am sometimes a bit less cautious than I should be seeing as how there's a razorblade involved, and last night, I sliced off about half of my middle fingernail on my left hand. Youch! So now I've got two big Band-Aids on that finger which make it difficult to type and make me look like some obscene E.T. without the heart light.
Here's hoping your Monday is off to a better start than mine.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Thursday Thirteen: Things I am Grateful for

Yes, Thanksgiving is closer than you think. Look at a calendar if you don't believe me, but be prepared for a shock.
I have a lot to be grateful for. I know because every morning while I'm brushing my teeth or washing my face, I go over a list of five things that I am grateful for each day. Some mornings, I'm just grateful that I had the strength or courage to get out of bed and some mornings I'm just grateful for my good night's sleep. Those days when I'm feeling less than grateful, I find that those are the days that I benefit most from listing things I'm grateful for, because it's easy to forget, to get caught up in what's not right in our lives rather than focus on what is. So now, before this gets too Dr. Philish, here are thirteen of the things I am grateful for.

1. Michael-- This is always #1 on my list. I am grateful everyday that he is safe and healthy and that he loves me. Not a bad way to start off one's day, huh?
2. Garnet-- She is my retired guide dog, so our bond goes beyond the human/pet relationship. She is thirteen years old, and I am grateful everyday that she is still in good health and wants to play. She's gotten somewhat surly in her old age, but she'd probably say the same of me.
3. That I am pregnant-- This is a quite recent addition to the list.
4. Running water-- Like I said, I often run through this list while I'm brushing my teeth. Indoor plumbing, when you think about it, is really something to be glad about. I realize it's not a necessity, but ... well okay, I'm a sissy, so yes, it is a necessity for me. I don't think I could live if I had to pee outside.
5. The internet-- It's maybe not as critical to my existence as indoor plumbing, but it's pretty close.
6. Chocolate
7. My house-- It's a good, sturdy house, one that our growing family will fit into just fine. It's nothing fancy or extravagant, but it's home.
8. Authors who tell stories that take me places.
9. Friends-- I have some very good ones and they keep me sane, which Molly will tell you is a thankless job.
10. My imagination-- It keeps me entertained.
11. Wall-to-wall carpeting-- I'm clumsy, you see.
12. Laughing out loud-- I hardly ever laugh at things that are designed to make me laugh, slapstick comedy for example, but I really love it when somebody says something completely random and everybody just sort of looks at each other and then the group as a whole just breaks into hysterics that go on and on for so long that when the laughter finally tapers off, nobody remembers why they were laughing in the first place, which makes you start laughing all over again. I love moments like that because you can carry them with you the rest of the day, and no matter what happens, you can pull up that memory and you can't help but smile.
13. I am grateful that Thanksgiving is coming soon because it is one of my favorite holidays. There is no pressure to buy anything, and Michael and I really like to cook for people. Some of our favorite memories are from Thanksgivings spent in the kitchen, cooking and making fun of the commentators for the Macy's parade. And when the parade is off, we'll flip through the channels until we (Okay, until I) find It's a Wonderful Life, which I force Michael to watch, which he grumbles about, but he's as happy as I am by the end.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Slacking

I have not been attending to my blog lately, and Molly is making me look bad because she is blogging everyday. My problem is that there is just so much to do right now, and the only thing I'm up for is napping. I need to be writing. I need to be knitting both holiday gifts and baby stuff. I need to be bargain shopping for Christmas. I need to be planning events and menus. I need to be working on some upgrades to the house, which need to get done fairly soon. And now I need a nap from making this list of all the things I need to do.
Do you ever get so overwhelmed with stuff that you become capable of nothing but sitting trance-like and staring into nothingness? That's me right now, and it is a particularly bad time for me to go all spacey. I know that more than anything, I just need to get into a habit of getting stuff done, but it's that first step that is the hardest. But now that I have sufficiently moaned about my state of slackerdom, then perhaps I can put the slacking behind me. The first step is to admit you have a problem, right?

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Thursday Thirteen: Places I'd like to visit.

1. Cornwall-- Specifically the ruins of Tintagel, the Cornish castle that legend has it is where King Arthur was conceived.
2. Ireland-- My family comes from County Tyrone, so I'd like to visit there.
3. Scotland-- Since I'll already be in England and Ireland, why not visit Scotland too? And let's throw in Wales while we're at it.
4. The Languedoc region of France-- Because of its link to Templar history. And from what I've read, it is a truly beautiful part of the world.
5. Turkey
6. The Swiss Alps
7. Iceland-- I have friends who are from there and it sounds fascinating- the history, the landscape, the folklore, just all of it.
8. Swaziland-- I had a friend in college who was a prince in Swaziland. No really, he was. He had a diplomatic immunity plate on his car and everything. He also had two wives and a girlfriend.
9. Chile-- My every reason for wanting to visit Chile has to do with Isabel Allende novels.
10. Northern California-- To see the Redwoods.
11. Nova Scotia-- So I can wear all the warm sweaters I've knitted.
12. Japan-- I love sushi!
13. The Moon-- I couldn't think of another one, so this was as good as any.

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