I love my family. But my family is small, at least my immediate family is. It's me and Michael and the dog and my mom and her husband, and I love us, but about this time every year, I start wishing that I wasn't an only child and that my aunts and uncles did more than just bicker with each other and that I was part of one of those great big Hallmark commercial families. Probably, I only think I want a large family. I have what I term a low chaos threshold, and large families are inherently chaotic. So most likely, a large family would make me crazy. What I guess I'm saying is I want to have been raised in a large family so that it wouldn't make me crazy. I'd keep Michael and the dog and Mom and even her husband because he handles her better than anyone ever has-- ever! But it would be nice if there were more of us. Of course this time next year there will be more of us and I'll have all the chaos I can handle.
So I was thinking about what my perfect imaginary family would look like, and it's something like this:
I think Arthur and Molly Weasley are the perfect parents, so I'd pick them to be my mom and dad. I guess a benefit of that is that I'd get all seven Weasley children too, and Harry Potter to boot. Instant family.
I have a half sister and a stepsister, but I'm not really close to either of them, and I always thought having a sister would be great. I want Luna Lovegood as my sister. Luna is my hero. She is everything that I am not-- free spirited, not the slightest bit self-conscious, optimistic, dreamy, and unconditionally kind. I love tacky, gaudy jewelry, and if Luna was my sister, I could borrow her radish earrings. Other sisters I'd like are Bridget Jones, Zena Warrior Princess, Julia Butterfly Hill, and Paris Hilton-- everybody has one, right? And she would take the pressure off the rest of us. We'd look like angels by comparison. For brothers I think I'd like Emeril Lagasse, Bruce Springsteen, Indiana Jones, and Mark Twain. I think they'd all be interesting at the dinner table.
I already have tons of cousins who I don't see very much, and they are plenty entertaining without having to imagine anything. There's my cousin Scott who got drunk at a Memorial Day picnic and did the Hula Hoop, and my cousin Calvin, whose idea of a Christmas carol is a song about John Wayne Bobbitt's difficulties sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies theme song. Once the feasting is over, all of my family piles up in my Aunt Loretta's garage to drink beer and play poker. I haven't seen most of them in three years, but I will be there this year on Christmas Eve, and I'm looking forward to it. If only Luna Lovegood could somehow get there.
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2 comments:
Seriously, Paris Hilton? You wouldn't be embarassed by a sister who made a sex tape that got leaked to the internet? Or would you just be relieved it was her and not you?
I think I would like Tina Turner as a sister.
You can have my sister, she is totally Paris Hilton, only not even a fraction as wealthy.
My family is huge and very crazy, and it still makes me crazy. Every holiday ends in all of the kids exhausted and screaming at eachother over nothing at all and having to kick somebody out of my bed because they ran to my room for a refuge nap and left me out in the middle of the insanity. I'm pretty sure that if we could do magic like the Weasleys that the house would burn down every holiday.
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