No Groups Please

This week, Michael and I attended our fifth childbirth class given by the hospital where I will deliver. If I hadn't taken these classes, I'm sure I would always worry that I missed something, but so far I haven't learned anything that I hadn't already found out from books or the internet. I suppose the videos are helpful for the people who can see them, but for me, not so much. during the second half of last' night's class, the fathers left to attend a fatherhood class and the mothers stayed to have what spiraled into a "Seventeen" magazine style discussion of "female stuff," the stuff that women won't talk about in front of the men who got them pregnant. Whatever. I expected this from a set-up that thinks men and women can't discuss things together without fainting or breaking into giggles, so I sat calmly, trying to remember not to roll my eyes. People can see it when you do that, I reminded myself. When the women finished up our portion of the class, we sat around and waited for the men to finish. As usually happens, women began breaking up into groups of twos and threes. Except for me. I sat alone. Probably, I wasn't the only one sitting alone. Some people are just shy, some of the preggies were likely too uncomfortable to chit chat, and then there's me. Me, I simply don't do group stuff. Raised an only child, I guess I never really learned to play well with others. Or maybe as a writer, I'd just really rather be alone in my head, watching what my characters are up to. Whatever the reason, I do not function well in a group. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm a loner, because Michael and I do almost everything together. He's not a group person either. When I was younger, I used to feel the need to constantly challenge my own comfort zones, but now ... now I just don't care that much. Michael doesn't challenge my comfort zones and that works out just perfect for us. Actually, our comfort zones are the same, so we live in them quite happily.
I have been in several formal groups, and I always end up dissatisfied or disillusioned. Take now for instance: I am in a nonprofit group that ostensibly promotes the rights and independence of blind and visually impaired individuals in my community. That's what it's supposed to do. What it really does is promote the agenda of one person for his own self-serving purposes. I find that most groups, even those that begin with good intentions, end up being the fan clubs of people with their own motives. I can't tolerate this, and so often end up bucking the power structure with the end result being that I feel frustrated and beaten down. What can I say, I'm a Democrat and a Cubs fan. Rooting for the underdog against all reason is just what I do.
I want to be involved in community groups. I want to be active. But I can't just show up and follow blindly (pardon the pun) and go along with the machinations of a leader who doesn't have the group's best interest at heart. Seeking a leadership position for myself is the natural answer, but I'm hesitant to commit to something like that at a time when my life will soon be so drastically changed. See, I really take this stuff seriously.
I hope Sprout will understand this about his parents and not be resentful that we aren't eager to show up at class parties or chaperone school trips. Possibly, motherhood will be the ultimate challenge of my comfort zones, but I have to tell you, the thought of being at a playground and chit-chatting with a group of other moms makes me break out in a cold sweat. I have no problem addressing a group of hundreds, but put me in a small-talk, mingle type situation and I totally freeze up. No, my people skills are not the best. I have not joined professional writers organizations, specifically the Romance Writers of America because the major benefit of membership seems to be the networking opportunities available at the annual national convention. Well, that and their regular publication, which is not available in an accessible format-- I checked. I'm still waiting for a call-back on that one. No, I am not holding my breath.
I do wonder sometimes if I might be missing out on things, information or relationships, by keeping mostly to myself, but the older I get, the more I'm coming to accept this about myself. I simply am not a group person. In the end, when it's all said and done, I'd really just rather be at home, reading and knitting.